


Through The Dark

by Jacd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, Season 12 finale, ish, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacd/pseuds/Jacd
Summary: Dean knew it wouldn’t end well, but he hadn’t imagined this. His eyes were unfocused, vision fuzzy, and it was like everything had stopped. He couldn’t bring himself to look; couldn’t force his eyes to see what he knew was in front of him. He’d been in this position before – more than once – but none of those times were like this. None of those times felt like this. Dean felt nothing and everything all at once.Coda from the season 12 finale.





	Through The Dark

 

Dean knew it wouldn’t end well, but he hadn’t imagined this. His eyes were unfocused, vision fuzzy, and it was like everything had stopped. He couldn’t bring himself to look; couldn’t force his eyes to see what he knew was in front of him. He’d been in this position before – more than once – but none of those times were like this. None of those times felt like this. Dean felt nothing and everything all at once. His stomach rolled with waves of nausea, and he fought the urge to throw up. He swallowed thickly and shifted forward. His knees were damp where they pressed against the ground, he clawed his hand in the grass and made himself look. 

What he saw made his throat close tightly, causing a choked off breath to escape.

Cas was sprawled out; his wings a charred shadow splayed black against the ground. Dean lifted a hand to Cas’s cheek.

“Cas-” He couldn’t say anything else. Didn’t know what else to say.  

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that. He felt paralyzed, like if he left then that made it real. Like maybe if Dean just sat here with Cas a little longer he would open his eyes and everything would be fine.

 “Dean,” Sam said as he dropped down next to him. His hand gripped tightly around Dean’s upper arm. “C’mon, Dean, we need to go,” he said as he tugged Dean, urging him to stand.

“Sam,” Dean’s rasped. He coughed and ran a hand across his cheeks. They were wet. He hadn’t realized he was crying. Dean looked back toward the house; it seemed the same. There was a stillness to it that felt wrong, though, and Dean suddenly felt guilt for leaving Sam to deal with Lucifer’s kid alone. “What happened?”

“Lucifer’s baby…isn’t a baby,” Sam said and at Dean’s confused look he added, “I don’t know how, Dean, but he’s almost full grown.”

“And he just let you go? Just like that?” Dean asked, skeptical. Not that he wasn’t glad that Sam was okay. It’s just that things weren’t usually that easy. Not for them.

“Yeah,” Sam looked just as confused as Dean felt. “He didn’t even say anything, just vanished. We should go, though, he might decide to come back. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer if we weren’t here if he does.”  

“With you there,” Dean agreed. Sam’s reappearance was helping him. Gave him something else to focus on. He cleared his throat and tried his best to push away the emotions that were beginning to cloud his mind. They needed to get back to the bunker, they could figure things out when they got there. He could deal with it all later.

He glanced down at Cas and ignored the sharp pain in his chest. “Help me get him to the car,” Dean said as he knelt down next to Cas once again.

“Okay,” Sam said quietly.

As they prepared to lift Cas, the wind picked up. It blew through the trees, causing the branches to sing. Dean heard the waves grow, as well, the crashing was hard enough to send a mist into the air. It was a sudden change, one that had Dean wary and suspicious.

He tried to catch Sam’s eyes in an effort to convey his thoughts, but his gaze was fixed behind Dean. Sam’s eyes were wide, his jaw clenched. Nothing good caused that look on Sam’s face, Dean knew from experience. He braced himself and turned.

From the shadows, appeared a man. Tall and unfamiliar; he approached slowly toward them. His movement was slow and steady, and it seemed as though it would never be necessary for him to move any quicker. It was like time was a faithful watch dog to him, ready to be called upon to stop if he so asked it to.  

Dean squinted as he tried to catch the man’s features, but he had a feeling about who it was.

“Jack,” Sam whispered, giving voice to Dean’s thoughts.

Jack’s eyes gleamed yellow and when he walked closer to them, Dean and Sam rushed to their feet. Dean wrapped his hand tightly around his knife and took notice of Sam’s widened stance. They were braced for a fight. Dean set his shoulders. They’d faced worse odds before and somehow the thought of dying had Dean feeling nothing. He wasn’t afraid.

Jack, however, just stopped in front of them. He looked down toward the ground, down to where Cas was, his eyes flashed with something. Something that looked like sadness, and Dean stared in confusion as Jack looked back up at them, his face now an expressionless mask.

One moment Jack was standing like a statue in front of Dean, the next he was on the ground next to Cas with a hand against his chest. The air seemed to sizzle with an electric current, the kind to make Dean’s arm hair stand on end. Cas was illuminated by a bright yellow light that seemed to flow under his skin. The light grew brighter and began to ebb up into the space between them, completely surrounding both Cas and Jack.

The light was all encompassing, and when he couldn’t see either Jack or Cas, Dean couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward, intent on getting to Cas. Sam was quick to pull him back.

“Wait, Dean,” Sam said. “I think-” he started, but the light faded and then Cas was lying there alone. Jack was gone. The trees were silent and the waves still. Everything was quiet.

Dean looked down to Cas and sucked in a breath. Cas’s wings, the marks in the grass, they were gone. _That must mean – that can’t mean…_

“Sam,” he whispered.

They shared a look, and Dean saw the thinly vailed hope he felt reflected in Sam’s eyes. They both dropped to the ground fast. Dean’s heart thumped loudly in his chest as he placed a hand over the chest in front of him.

“C’mon, Cas,” His voice was a pleading noise in his ears.  Cas was still, and there was a moment that hung in the air – like the earth itself was waiting with bated breath. It might’ve been a single second, but it felt like a lifetime that Dean sat there with his hand on Cas’s chest. Dean began to feel his hope slip away like sand between his fingers, when he felt it. A steady heartbeat, one that felt strong and real and Dean surprised himself with a hard laugh. An ocean of relief flowed through him, and Dean let it.

“Dean?” Sam asked.

Dean yanked Sam’s hand and placed it under his own, he could still feel the steady beating even through Sam’s hand. “He’s alive,” Dean said.

Sam smiled for a moment, but then it dimmed and he shot Dean a wary expression. “Dean, listen, I’m happy he’s alive, but, well, we don’t even know if it’s really _him_. Dean? I mean, you saw the wing marks –”

“It’s him,” Dean interrupted fiercely.

“Dean -” Sam began and Dean knew him well enough to see the pity coating his features.

Dean felt the spread of anger under his skin – red hot and burning – and he felt the venom in his words as he spoke. “Typical. You don’t even know for sure and you’re ready to give up on him.”

Sam’s eyes flashed with hurt. “I _never_ said that-”

“We don’t give up on family,”

“Dean, I never said anything about giving up on him. You think that I don’t think of him as family? You think I want him to be gone? I cared about him, too –”

“Yeah, sure seems like it,”

Sam looked stung by the words and Dean felt a pang of guilt.

“How could you – you weren’t the only one who –” Sam struggled to get a grasp on what he wanted to say, finally he shook his head and said, “I’m not gonna do this. Let’s just get him back to the bunker.”  

They put him into the backseat of the impala, his skin a pale contrast to the dark leather. Dean dug into Cas’s pockets until his fingers caught the cool metal of the keys to Cas’s truck. He tossed them to Sam, who caught them easily. “I’ll meet you at home,” Dean said, an unspoken apology on the tip of his tongue, but Sam was gone before he could give voice to it.

Dean dropped himself into the driver’s seat and started the car.

***

Dean got to the bunker first, with Sam close behind. Together they carried Cas inside and down the stairs. Dean led them toward his bedroom, and Sam followed without a word. They laid Cas gently down onto Dean’s bed. His clothes were rumpled, but his chest was moving with steady breaths. Dean untied Cas’s shoes and set them down neatly next to the bed.

Sam’s pulled the desk chair next to the bed, and settled down into it. He looked at Dean and said, “You should get cleaned up, Dean. I’ll watch him.” 

“No way, Sam. I’m not leaving him,”

“He’s safe here, Dean.” Sam said. “You should-”

“Is he?” Dean interrupted harshly. He raised his arms disbelievingly. “Is he really safe here, Sam? A lot of bad shit has gone down here. To be honest, I’m not sure we’re any safer here than we were out there. I’m not leaving him, either way.”

Sam sighed and looked toward Cas again. He looked tired, like the events of the day had worn him down. “Okay, Dean. I get it. I do. I never meant to suggest that-”

“I know, Sam.” Dean said, softer this time. Deep down he knew Sam meant well. They looked at each other and Sam nodded in understanding.

He pushed himself up and gestured to the vacant chair. “You sit here; I’ll go grab another from the kitchen.”

Then Sam was gone and Dean was alone with Cas. He sunk into the empty chair and wondered how everything got so fucked up. It wasn’t long ago he thought he might be able to have it all, his mom and Sam and Cas. Dean wondered if he would’ve been happy. Guess _happy_ and _Winchester_ just don’t mix, Dean thought mirthlessly.

Dean reached out to take Cas’s hand, it was neither cold nor warm. Dean squeezed tight. “Cas, if you can hear me, you better wake up, you son of a bitch,”

No response.

The door creaked open, signaling Sam’s return. He placed the new chair down on the other side of the bed, directly opposite Dean. He reached out and grasped Cas’s forearm. He looked toward Cas with pleading eyes, as if, by a sheer look, Sam would be able to wake him up. Dean looked toward Cas, too, and watched the steady rise and fall of Cas’s chest.

Dean wasn’t sure how long they both sat there, waiting in silence, but, after a while, Dean felt his eyelids grow heavy and soon enough he found himself drifting asleep.

***

Dean woke to a crick in his neck and a twinge in his back. A sound of rustling from the bed caught his attention and his eyes snapped open. He took note of Sam dozing with his head on the bed, his hand still around Cas’s arm. Dean watched for signs of movement from Cas, certain that he’d just heard something. Praying he didn’t just imagine it.

A slight twitch of Cas’s hand had Dean jumping from his seat. “Sam,” Dean said loudly.

Sam was awake in a second flat. He stumbled up from the chair and looked around wildly. Then saw Cas move his head a small amount. Sam laughed disbelievingly and said, “Oh my God.”

Dean rushed forward and moved to hold Cas’s head in his hands. He saw Cas’s eyes flutter and felt excitement and hope run through him. “Cas,” he said. “Can you hear me?”

Cas’s eyes opened all the way and Dean looked into them, eyes he thought he might never see again, but Cas wasn’t looking at him the same way he usually did. There was no familiarity there. His expression was empty as Dean searched his eyes for any hint of recognition and Dean heard Sam’s argument from earlier echo in his mind, but he pushed the thought away.

Cas was looking at him in confusion. In a moment, he had a hand on Dean’s shirt and then Dean found himself with his back on the ground. He looked up into familiar yet unfamiliar eyes. He heard Sam shout their names. But his attention was on Cas and Cas’s eyes were wide, his expression fierce. Dean was suddenly reminded of when they first met. He could almost hear the slamming of barn doors and a rustling of wings and, in that moment, he knew that it was Cas – not just a vessel- it was Cas and Dean felt the relief of that knowledge flow through him like ice cold water on a midsummer day.

“Cas,” he whispered. “It’s me,” he searched Cas’s eyes for recognition, for even the smallest amount, but there was nothing. Dean found himself holding his breath as he looked into Cas’s eyes, waiting for some kind of response.

Cas’s grip tightened as he said, “Who are you?”

Dean looked into Cas’s eyes and was reminded the crypt, kneeling against the floor, begging Cas to remember. Dean was willing to do it again. He was willing to do it a hundred times. “Cas, listen, it’s me. Dean Winchester, look at me, Cas. You know me. You know me, Cas.” Dean might’ve just been hoping, wishing, imagining, whatever, but he thought he saw a hint a recognition. Just a momentary expression and then it was gone. But it was there. “Cas, listen, just listen. We’ve been through a lot together, you pulled me from hell, helped stop the apocalypse,” Cas still looked confused, but his grip loosened and Dean took that as reassurance to keep going. “Purgatory, Cas, remember? Benny?” Deans sentences were starting to run together. He speech taking a more frantic state. “Come on, Cas. You know us, and we, we know you. We’re family.”

Dean saw the moment he got through. Cas groaned and released his grip. He pressed a hand against his forehead and blinked a few times, before he opened his eyes and Dean saw everything he needed in them. He pulled Cas in suddenly and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Cas returned the hug slowly, but his grip was just as tight. Dean couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to question it. “Dean,” Cas whispered and Dean finally pulled back from the hug, but kept his hands on Cas’s arms– reluctant to let go completely- and saw Cas look over to Sam. “Sam,” he said.

Sam’s eyes were wide with relief as he went to his knees next to them. “Yeah, hey Cas,” Sam said. “It’s so good to see you,” Sam’s eyes were shining as he spoke.  

“It’s good to see you both,” Cas said. His gaze traveled from Sam back to Dean and Dean suddenly found it hard to speak. His throat felt weighed down. Dean just nodded and reached for Cas’s shoulder, moving him back. Cas seemed to realize what he was trying to do and started to move of his own accord. They separated and Dean ignored the urge to reach out to Cas.

Cas looked between Dean and Sam and asked, “What happened?”

Dean and Sam glanced at each other before Dean spoke. “It was Jack. He did something, brought you back somehow.”

“How?” Cas asked, his brows were pulled together in a frown and Dean recognized the look of confusion on his features. “That shouldn’t be possible.”

“People have been brought back before, Cas.” Dean said. “I mean; you’re looking at two examples that it’s possible.” He gestured between himself and Sam.

Cas gave him a flat look. “Dean, I know it’s possible to bring a someone back, but angels don’t have souls the way that humans do… and since Lucifer used an angel blade-”

“But you’ve been brought back before, too,” Sam pointed out.

“By God,” Cas said. “The kind of power it requires…”

“So he’s powerful,” Dean said. “So what? We knew that was a possibility, now it’s just confirmed.”

“‘What’ is that he’s out there right now with that power,” Cas said and started to stand. He stumbled and Dean rushed to steady him.

“We can’t do anything about that now. You need rest, so do we. One night’s sleep and we can start the search tomorrow,” Dean said.

Cas shot him a look that said he didn’t agree, and Dean gave him a look that he hoped conveyed just how much he didn’t care. Dean didn’t just get Cas back for him to run himself into the ground again.

Cas let out a sigh, but seemed to relent.

“Well, I’m glad things are back to normal,” Sam said and, to Cas and Dean’s confused expression, clarified, “you know, you two staring into each other others eyes and completely forgetting my existence.”

Dean recognized the attempt to lighten the mood for what it was. Cas, however, took on a serious expression and said, “I could never forget your existence, Sam Winchester.”

Sam’s cheeks reddened at the earnestness of Cas’s comment and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, thanks, Cas.”

“Of course,” Cas said and stepped towards Sam, pulling him into a hug.

Sam returned it and, when they parted, said, “I really am glad that you’re okay, man.”

Cas nodded and gave Sam a small smile. “The same goes for you both.”

“Alright.” Dean clapped his hands together and the sentimental atmosphere seemed to dissipate. “We all love each other very much. But we can love each other just as much in the morning,” he waved his hands towards them in a dismissive gesture. They seemed to get the hint and started to leave, but before Cas could step through the door, some instinct had Dean pulling him back.

“Yes, Dean?” Cas said. His eyes were curious and Dean stared into them for a moment, working to find something to say. The silence seemed to stretch in front of him, but Cas didn’t seemed to mind. Endlessly patient, he stood in front of Dean and waited for him to say something.

Finally, Dean said, “Cas, uh, when you were – earlier, when Lucifer – you were lying there, and I could see your wings scorched on the ground and I thought that that was it and that you were gone,” now that Dean started, he couldn’t seem to stop, “and the thought of never seeing you again, it was, I just couldn’t-”

“I understand, Dean,” he said, cutting Dean off – which Dean was a little thankful for. “You… care about me. We’re family.”

“Yes, but –” but what? Dean wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure why that statement was right, but felt wrong, somehow. They were family, and he did care about Cas. Cas was his best friend, that was the truth, but there was something deeper there and Dean hadn’t recognized it for what it was. Didn’t even notice it under every moment he spent with Cas, until Cas was gone – _dead –_ and he was severed from him.

“But?” Cas asked. Dean just shook his head with a clenched jaw, unable to get his thoughts in order, unwilling to voice his incomplete ones. He was caught with the urge to reach out and take Cas’s hand – so he did. Cas shot him a surprised and confused look and broke eye contact to look down at their hands. Dean watched him, and when Cas looked back up with a questioning look, he just tugged his hand, pulling him in for another hug. Dean wrapped his hands around Cas’s waist, dipped his head into the crook of Cas’s neck. Tentatively Cas hugged back, one hand around Dean’s back, the other resting against his neck.

Dean was surprised at how comfortable it felt. Cas’s body was warm, solid, alive, and Dean could feel the beat of his heart. After a while, Dean broke their hug, pulling away slowly – trailing his arms across Cas’s waist, but not releasing his hold. The air between them was still, but thick – and Cas’s eyes were searching. Dean wasn’t sure what he was looking for – even less sure of what he would find.

Dean decided that maybe it was easier to just not think. His hand came up to Cas’s cheek, and Dean pushed away the memory of him doing the same motion under very different circumstances.

“Dean?” Cas questioned and Dean had watched his lips form the question, but he didn’t have an answer. He just breathed out Cas’s name in response, and leaned forward to bridge the gap between them.

The kiss could barely be classified as a kiss. It was chaste, and Cas’s whole body went tense at the feel of Dean’s lips on his. Dean pulled back after a moment, doubt and regret creeping in at Cas’s silence, but before he could get too far Cas stepped forward, pulling Dean in. This time the kiss was fierce, Cas was eager and commanding all at once and when his tongue traced Dean’s lips, he opened them and let Cas in. Dean’s skin tingled where they were touching, and he dragged a hand through Cas’s hair tugging it toward him, pulling him impossibly closer. Cas bit down on Dean’s lips and Dean moaned at the feeling.

Dean pulled them until they hit the bed. They broke the kiss as Dean fell, dragging Cas down with him. Dean leaned up to kiss him again and Cas leaned away. Dean’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion and he leaned forward again only to have Cas lean back once more.

Cas traced a thumb over Dean’s lips a moment, then caught his eyes. “You need rest,” Cas said.

“I’m not tired,” Dean breathed. Cas’s thumb was still on his lips and Dean put his lips around it, sucking lightly. Cas pulled his hand away quickly – blush creeping up his cheeks – and averted his eyes.

“Well, I am,” Dean ignored the questions that formed from that statement, though something may have shone in his expression, because Cas continued, “I’ve been through somewhat of an ordeal.”

Dean ran a hand down Cas’s side, the caress was soft and gentle and Dean’s voice was heavy when he said, “I know.”

Cas nodded and moved as if to get up and Dean couldn’t stop himself from pulling him back down. Cas fell with a grunt and Dean rolled so they were lying next to each other. They were close – Dean’s bed wasn’t that big – and he could feel Cas’s breath and looked into his eyes. They stayed like that for a moment, before Dean rolled over, pulling Cas’s arm solidly around his middle. “Stay,” Dean heard himself say, a quiet request, but he knew Cas heard him from the way his arm tightened around Dean’s stomach.

“Of course, Dean," Cas said simply.

Dean was caught with how easy it felt to be held like this by Cas. He didn't know if it would last, or if, in the morning, things would be better or worse. But, at the moment, Dean felt good. He was happy.   

Maybe that was enough.  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Heyoooo, just found this coda I wrote after the finale that I forgot to post. Enjoyyyyy, leave a comment if ya want :)


End file.
